Peace, real peace. A peace that surpasses all understanding. I’ve heard of it, but does it really exist? Yes, it does. This is my story of how God showed up in a mighty way and blessed me with peace, comfort and strength that could only come from Him. When I fully surrendered and cried out to God He was there. I remembered the scripture John 14:27 “I leave my peace with you. I give my peace to you. I do not give it to you as the world does. Do not let your hearts be troubled. And do not be afraid.” And I took this scripture to heart, because I knew that I had zero control. There was nothing that I could do, but surrender. When I did, God came and taught me a fabulous lesson in unconditional surrender and love.
Thursday June 20, 2013 I gave birth to my third child Kaitlyn Trinity. This was my third c-section in 4 ½ years so I knew the ropes pretty well. As they pulled her out, I knew that something was off. I couldn’t place my finger on it, but I knew in my heart something was wrong. Trying my best to ignore it and focus on the beautiful gift we just received, I placed that thought in the back of my head. But then protocol seemed different and everybody seemed to be moving a little faster and my husband didn’t get to hold her right away. At first, I thought to myself, “What’s wrong? What’s going on? No, stop it!” I then told myself, “Everything is fine. Hospitals change things all the time. It’s just new rules”.
In recovery, I got to join my husband and our new precious daughter. What a sweet little gift. She was so calm and peaceful and she just melted my heart. Then, again, things just seemed different and I couldn’t place my finger on it. The doctor came to talk to us and said, “Kaitlyn had a very stressful delivery. The cord was wrapped around her neck which likely caused meconium in the fluid and all of this has caused her blood sugar to be exceedingly low.” My heart dropped and I thought to myself, “What? Please explain, I don’t understand. Is she ok?” With all of this running through my head all I could was stop worrying and pray. I knew God had a special plan and purpose for her. So, what was it and what was going on? As we left recovery and headed to our room we called and had our older two children come and meet Kaitlyn. I had my whole world in my hands and everything appeared better. I was one very blessed mommy. My heart was overflowing with gladness and joy as our older two children met their new sissy. They were so excited and the joy on their faces was so contagious.
Every couple of hours, our nurse would come in the room to check Kaitlyn’s blood sugar levels. She had been maintaining alright, but was on the low end. At about 10:00pm we got the news that Kaitlyn’s blood sugar had dropped and that she was being taken to the NICU. At that moment, I lost it. I was scared, angry, nervous, anxious, heartbroken, devastated, and lost. Everything inside of me was screaming. But Charles, my husband was amazing. He stood by my side and comforted me. He kept telling me it was going to be ok. See, he had this peace, he knew God had this. He knew no matter the outcome, we would be ok, because we had God on our side. Me? Nope, I freaked! My only question was when could I go see her? I just couldn’t let my baby be alone. I cried nonstop for quite awhile. My eyes were so puffy, red and swollen it took a day or so for them to go back to normal. Sitting in my hospital bed, devastated and scared all I knew at that point was to pray. I couldn’t physically do a thing but I could spiritually.
Knowing my love for music, Charles turned on my computer and played worship music for me. We allowed God to fill that hospital room. About midnight, we got to go see her and hold her. A moment of pure joy overcame me. Peace, real peace, flooded my body. I felt a new found comfort and strength. I prayed and asked God to give me the ability to care for her and be there for her. And did He ever! About 20 hours after my surgery, I had my nurse take out my IV, I took a shower and passed my walking test. That way, I could go and see my baby as often as I wanted. Every 3 hours my husband and I would walk down to hold her, feed her, love on her and then go back to our room without her. While sitting in my room all we had playing was worship music on my computer all day long. I knew I had to keep my focus on God. I needed to keep my spirit alive and refreshed. We prayed for her and ourselves and kept the faith. As I continued to surrender all to Him, He showed up in a supernatural way. I functioned on God’s strength for that next day and a half. Every 3 hours, round the clock the routine continued. We would get 45 minutes with her, then 2 hours 15 minutes in bed and repeat. I was no longer freaked out. I was ok. I had faith and I believed. God had filled me with His peace and in the middle of my storm it was still. Then we got the good news. Kaitlyn was doing well enough, so she could come back to the room with us. My body collapsed in exhaustion. Having my baby back, I got to sleep. The Lord came through. Only God could have given me the stamina that I needed to keep going.
Kaitlyn continued to be monitored and was checked every 3 hours, but she was with us and that was all that mattered. For the rest of that day we rested and enjoyed God’s presence and the beautiful gift He had given us. Kaitlyn was maintaining her sugar levels, on the low side, but maintaining. The next day was Sunday and we were hopeful we were going home. My doctor came in to see me and said since it was a weekend he could extend my stay so I could stay with her and we told him, ”No, fill out my papers. We are going home today.” That day Kaitlyn had to do a 6 hour fasting test and if she kept her level up she could go home. During her fast we would check on her more frequently to see where her levels were. Her levels dropped and got really close to the not good line. I started to get a little nervous and then Charles looked at me and said, “The next test her levels are going up, her body will regulate and she will be ok.” There was no observable reason why her levels would go up, but we declared and believed and sure enough they were exactly what he said they would be. Praise the Lord! With so much excitement and joy in our hearts our baby girl was getting released and we were going home just as originally planned.
Psalm 29:11 - The Lord gives his people strength. The Lord blesses them with peace.
His word is true! The Lord gave me strength and blessed me with peace. I learned a valuable lesson during this trial. When I gave up wanting control and I surrendered to God, He was faithful. God can work in a humble spirit, and I allowed Him to work in me. Some lessons aren’t easy, but during this lesson God molded and shaped me. ”Thankful” is what comes to my mind. To know, that peace really does exist when I fully surrender and give it all to Him. Peace in the storm. I’m reminded of the story of Jesus walking on water in Matthew.
Matthew 14:24-33 - Meanwhile, the disciples were in trouble far away from land, for a strong wind had risen, and they were fighting heavy waves. About three o’clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. When the disciples saw him walking on the water, they were terrified. In their fear, they cried out, “It’s a ghost!” But Jesus spoke to them at once. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “Take courage. I am here!” Then Peter called to him, “Lord, if it’s really you, tell me to come to you, walking on the water.” “Yes, come,” Jesus said. So Peter went over the side of the boat and walked on the water toward Jesus. But when he saw the strong wind and the waves, he was terrified and began to sink. “Save me, Lord!” he shouted. Jesus immediately reached out and grabbed him. “You have so little faith,” Jesus said. “Why did you doubt me?” When they climbed back into the boat, the wind stopped. Then the disciples worshiped him. “You really are the Son of God!” they exclaimed.
In my storm the waves were crashing and Jesus came walking on water saying to me, “Take courage, I am here”. I got out of the boat and walked on water. I kept my eyes focused on Jesus and I had faith. When the storms of life come, will you have faith or will your faith waver? Will you get out of the boat, but let the chaos around you cause you to lose focus and fall? Or will you keep your eyes fixed on Jesus, and walk on water with Him? When we keep our eyes fixed on our heavenly Father, He is faithful to see us through.